By Stu MacKay
If my calendar is correct, about six months have passed since the January coronation in Washington. If you’re wondering about the choice of words, inaugurate is defined as “induct formally into office” and coronation as “the act of crowning a sovereign.” Make no mistake; we watched a sovereign being crowned – and sovereign means “above or superior to all others,” just in case that wasn’t real clear from the outset.
In February this columnist cautioned that “now the scary part begins” and asked readers if they were bothered that “the pilot and co-pilot flying the government beast have never before been in the cockpit – much less gone through any flight training.” Keep in mind that this is a pilot who talks all the time and a co-pilot that only talks when he’s not supposed to! No radio space for directions from a flight controller but, then again, being “above or superior to all others” means no directions accepted, anyway.
So, after six or so months of “change,” as the charge was given, what do we have? Let’s leave all the offshore kowtowing to regimes in other parts of the world and just focus on what impacts us, the poor, overly taxed subjects of this sovereign.
Well, first off, their majesties have managed to take Daimler’s castoff, previously known as Chrysler, and give it away to the UAW (Usually Awful Workmanship) and FIAT (Fix It Again, Tony) – with a chunk owned by the Feds.
Desperate to increase sales and realizing that all sales come from dealerships, new management promptly cuts off a big slice of the dealer body. The logic? We need dealers that sell more cars. Explain that to me; when you’re in the cellar, doesn’t every sale count? Get the sales – then put some muscle into distribution agreements. Never waste a crisis, says the White House – and apparently UAW/FIAT Motors has the same philosophy.
UAW/FIAT Motors is going to build the teeny cars the Feds want (and may start ordering) us to buy. These teenies are great if your roads are about six feet wide and speeds are at sub-freezing levels. Good luck, Henry Waxman, but I think you’re going to find there’s hardly room for your specs and your mustache – much less the rest of your consumer crusade!
With UAW/FIAT as an encore, GM becomes the grand second act. Euthanasia would have been the appropriate solution to this terminal case – but how could the Feds win from this? So, our royalty jumps in, cans the chairman (same folks that thought waterboarding was inappropriate) and walks the remaining staff to the gallows. Pontiac dies (take that, John DeLorean), the Chinese get Hummer (no second prize?) and maybe Saab, Roger gets Saturn (Saturn dealers will be lining up to kiss his ring) and the ex-head of AT&T will take over as chairman. Sounds like a wrong number to me; do you really like your phone service? And more than a thousand dealers bite the dust – same rationale as UAW/FIAT and same poor logic!
Oh, and by the way, GMC finally announced that it’s killing the medium-truck business. Talk about a mercy killing – this patient has been terminal for years. When it was determined that it couldn’t even be given away, the death certificate was issued. No CSI investigation needed here; the baby had been DOA for years!
Is there any good news from the last six months? Those of us on Social Security got enough to purchase a half-decent case of wine (which this recipient did). And the simple threat of some sort of a stimulus package (whenever this might arrive) seems to have warmed a few hearts and a few points on the Dow. But most of what we’ve seen is just an economy finding a landing area (other than the Hudson River) and starting to see a little light on the horizon.
A brief note on the truck parts business – it stinks! The cannibals are hard at work, first time in a couple of decades. Bottom line – when this baby turns, hold on!
Are you ready for what comes next – Part III? See you again in about three months!
